Some of my friends have blogs. Most of their blogs at some point go to a theological subject matter. The best part is when they do this there are people that show up or post comments on their blogs out of nowhere that think they have something to contribute to their thoughts and or life. My response to that is, WHO CARES! I do not care if you have something to post on my blog or other people’s blog on a subject matter. I am interacting with one of my friends. If you are not one of my friends I do not want to hear what you have to say about a.) b.) Or c.). Your opinion to me is not valid or important to me because you are not apart of my community therefore your opinion does not carry much weight in my life. So why would you spend 5 minutes of you’re life trying to criticize my life and my thoughts?
Think about it people, why do people comment on peoples blogs? Does your opinion really matter that much that what you have to say is going to greatly impact someone's life? Probably not.
If you are apart of my community and a friend then please by all means, comment on my blog. If you are not don't leave any comments.
Over the past couple of weeks I have been coming to grips with my own humanity. I am realizing more than ever before how capable I am of making big, not just big, but HUGE mistakes. I feel as I have become older my safety net is being pulled back and or disappearing all together. For so long I have felt that God had my back in all situations and would help me get out of tough situations. However, now that I am older and theologically educated I am realizing that yes, God still has my back, however, I am more aware of how much power and decisions God allows us to have in our lives.
I have the option to choose. To choose what I know is right. Or to choose what my flesh desires. It is in these moments I am realizing the darkest parts of myself. The parts I wish were not there. I have never been so aware of my sinful nature as I have been in the past four to six weeks.
For those evangelicals that need this part… yes, this is why I need a Savior.
But, if you are caught up on the fact that we need a Savior for us to realize those dark parts of our lives than you have missed what I am saying. I know I need to be “saved” from those dark areas and I have been; yet it does not mean they go away.
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” I. Pt. 2:9
My problem with this verse is just because you have been set apart doesn’t mean your problems were set apart with you. You have been given the right as a human being, not a robot; to choose which way you want to go. It’s not easy. I mean can you imagine if you chose Jesus and all your problems went away? Everything was just set up and you had to just live life?
No thanks, that does not work for me. So I guess I’ll take the ________ pill.
p.s. If you want to debate context I’m well aware of what the passage is talking about. So do not waste your time trying to tell me Your context.
In the middle of a historic time of my life I have had to make several key decisions over the past couple of weeks. Some in which, have paid immediate dividends others, well, are causing more pain then a bountiful return. Initially, these times can be hard and stressful yet, I know there is something larger going on here. A place that is building muscle, strength that is unseen. Something that goes far deeper than any musculoskeletal fiber can show through my epidermis.
My undergraduate degree is in exercise physiology. I spent a good bit of time studying the human response under physical exertion at Western Michigan University. In order to build muscle one must first break down the fibers so they may be built back up again. A little thing we like to call protein synthesis, which is the physiological break down of what goes on in ones body to see muscle become stronger and grow. I believe there is a strong correlation between the physical and spiritual in regards to this matter.
I like to call this spiritual muscle; this is something my undergraduate degree did not teach, however, come to think of it neither did my seminary. We talked plenty about spiritual formation through practice of disciplines but never about spiritual muscle. Nor did we talk about the formation of our spirituality in the face of adversity. We spent time pointing to others who dealt with it but never really stepped out and said this is how we need to handle this situation. Why is it when faced with misfortune we find ourselves giving in, rolling over and dieing? This is a tragedy, instead of standing firm and learning from what one is enduring and gaining perspective and insight, we run. Not only does this keep us from building spiritual muscle but it also keeps us from developing integrity, character, and most of all, faith!
Are we truly like Peter? Are we stepping out of the boat, walking on water and then when things get a little choppy we lose sight of where we need to be focused on? Oh, me of little faith.
So what’s next? Look behind you and see he’s had you all along. Or, look in front of you and keep walking with your eyes fixed on what God’s called us to do. Take the step, extend the muscle out so it can go through protein synthesis and rebuild after being torn down. Even if it is spiritually speaking, the growth that will come out of it will be very evident and now you will be spiritually shredded!
Well, maybe not yet.
Loss.
It’s hard.
It hurts like nothing you have ever felt. I am reminded of this as I received a bit of unfortunate news from a friend in the death of his best friend. All I can seem to do right now is think of the pain, crying, and suffering that one goes through during this tumultuous season. My head moves in a downward spiral only thinking of the pain and grief that I have gone through. Losing someone never really gets any easier does it? Some merely learn how to healthily or unhealthily deal with ones’ own issues. So what makes this moment feel so bad/strange? My friend and I have not spoken in a while yet, I am hurting for him. This is peculiar for me because I am typically someone who is not affected by things that are not right in front of me (physically in the same city). Yet, I am grieving for Chris in a way that I have not touched in a very long time.
So what does this all mean, where does this all lead? I guess, for starters, I am practicing what I preach. Living a life that is fully present. I am taking a moment to spend time grieving for my friend I am not concerned with anything else right now but processing and sitting in this moment to see what God is teaching me. I have a strong compulsion to brush it off and move on, however, something is different. I didn’t even answer my phone that was ringing just now. This is important and I am becoming fully human, and fully alive again. We need to take the time to grieve, to hurt, and cry. Why? Because something happens when we do this and when we come out of it there is a new perspective and the beauty of life and the grace that surrounds it all.
So don’t shrug off the next time you hear a bit of bad news, sit with it and ask God to show you something amidst the confusion and feelings.