On the eve of my best friends engagement we were having a conversation about relationships, marriage and women, all things, which as men seem to be over our heads. Although tonight was different we dove into trying to use our combined master degrees to come up with some profound insight. To no avail, there was nothing mind blowing that would give us the upper hand, we couldn’t be further from the truth. We found ourselves coming back to this paradox of laying ourselves down yet still being confident in whom we are as men. I asked him how in the world do we lay ourselves down for her and yet not get walked on? He responded, “I don’t know, that is the mystery.”

Welcome to the tension that I live in, questions with no answers and a life, which is full of paradoxes with only living to be had. Knowing that the answers may vary. You get responses like, “Depends on the person,” or “Depends on the context,” or “Man, I don’t know I just know I am called to love my wife and to give myself up for her.”

My question is then who wins?

Wrong question.

It is not who wins and does not win, it is, are you putting that other person first? If you are putting her first and she is putting you first then you will meet in the middle. Unfortunately, this is in hypothesis form only. I wish I could say that this is “tried and tested,” the formula to turn America’s divorce rate around. But until the moment comes to have my ideas put into action then they are for now, a hypothesis.

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